like toy soldiers

After reading Snowine's post, I had a little think about this whole situation.

If someone got 95% in an exam, but they say "Man I wish I did better". Our knee-jerk reaction is to think they're a fag and they should stfu and be happy with their mark. Mainly because 95% is probably better than what we got.

It's quite a difficult situation, having a higher mark than someone else but still being disappointed. Believe it or not, I have actually been in this situation before (okay you don't HAVE to believe me 8D). I know what it's like to get a relatively good mark, but still expect better. I personally have never complained about being disappointed with a mark that is above average. If I am disappointed, I keep it to myself, and if anyone asks, I got blah and I'm pretty happy with that mark. Because I've been on both ends of the spectrum, and a bit of poor tact goes a long way.

Wow I just realised how long this post is, so have a page break:

For the people disappointed with a relatively good mark, I get you. There are a few factors involved:
- What your track record is. If you have a good history and you got high but not as high as you're used to, you have a right to be disappointed.
- How much work you put in. A person who put lots of hours into the subject has a right to be disappointed if they still didn't perform well.
- What your family expects. Pressure adds disappointment as well as fear. And it screws you up while you're sitting the exam as well. Nevertheless, parents enjoy adding a significant amount of pressure.
- The types of mistakes you made. Making reading mistakes or massive mindblank mistakes is really depressing, and your disappointments are just like WHOOOSH!

As a person who has (... occasionally? 8D) performed better than average but still was disappointed with my mark, I have never put anyone (who has scored significantly less) in the position where they have to deal with my disappointment. At least I don't think so. Because they have their own disappointment to nurture.


Let's go flipside. I have also, of course, put quite a bit of effort into some subject, and ended up scoring abysmally anyway. At this stage, I am too busy moping about my own mark. It sucks IMMENSELY to hear someone scoring better than you, and then hearing about how much they think it sucks. Furthermore, our pain is obviously worse than theirs, and especially more so, as their mark is higher than ours so they should be happier. We can often appreciate that they MAY be disappointed with a nice mark, but we seriously just don't give a shit. Because our mark sucks, and it just seems cocky to rub their horribly disappointing 95% in our 80%'s faces.


But for those people that score high but are (understandably) disappointed anyway, here is what low scoring people want to hear:
- If we ask, tell us your mark (and your mark only, not how you feel, yet) without hesitation, a la fear of us getting hurt, etc. Okay you scored better, but not THAT much better. We can take it.
- It's easier to hear that you are disappointed about a specific question ("Gosh I forgot to use my log laws and I got raped. I'm disappointed that I didn't see that") as compared to a general "Oh my god I lost two marks, woe is my life"
- Don't go around saying your mark loudly (be you disappointed or not), because that is just the epitome of dick. Low scoring people shouldn't be pity-seekers with this method neither.
- If we ask you your mark, answer. Then stop for a bit, and observe, before you ask back. Some people are okay with scoring low, other people less so. So use your judgment here.
- Generally, the less well we know you, the less you say about how you feel about the exam.
- Lastly, I know you could be disappointed, but really, you SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH THAT MARK. If you could let go of the past and just embrace that practically everyone's paying money to get tutored now, you would realise that your mark is pretty damn good.

This has also expanded into real life. My mum has told me about the awkward position she is put in every time someone asks her about me and my bro. Of course, she should be proud both her sons go to James Ruse, but it makes it socially awkward if the other party's children go to a selective high school ranked in the teens (especially Asian parents). So she never steers the conversation into the subject of schooling. She only answers if asked. I'm not exactly clear on her protocol for asking back though. Just a little anecdote to boost my post yay.

So use some tact, think a little bit. It doesn't matter if you scored high or low, but take into account the stress and disappointment that the other person is going through as well. Just because you scored lower, does not necessarily mean you should be more disappointed than the person who scored higher. Likewise, if you scored higher, just remember the other person DID score lower! Simple solution; only complain about your disappointment in a good mark to your closest friends. And even then, only those that scored close enough to yours.

Because what you say goes a long way. So it may pay to stay your complaint. Delay till another day. Okay I just totally destroyed the meaning of my post while forcing the rhyme. Reminds me of pop lyrics.