humans 2.0

Humans need a firmware upgrade quite soon.

- To ensure survival as a species, it is important to NOT KILL EACH OTHER.

- Removal of idiotic phobias. It's alright to be scared of heights, spiders, even the dark. Because those are all phobias out of extreme self-preservation. But what the ball is the biological function of being scared shitless by blood? I can't think of any situation with copious amounts of blood, would screaming and running away be an adequate response.
eg if it were someone else's injury, they would die. If it were your own injury, you would die. If it came from a hunted animal, you would starve (then die). And so on.

- Removed the glitch where we would randomly bite the insides of our mouth, or tongue, while we are chewing. Or, in rarer cases, even when you're not chewing.

- Used that other 80% of the brain we are allegedly not using.

- In-built motivation generator.

- Removal of the bug where admitting your feelings towards someone also evokes feelings of fear.

- Removal of the glitch where if you stay awake too long past your bedtime, it becomes impossible to fall asleep again.

- Introduce distinct "awake" and "asleep" modes. The fuzzy "My eyes are open but my brain is non-functional" is removed.

- Translation between male and female speech and thinking patterns. "+" can be the input and ">" can be the output.

+Female: "I've got a stomachache" or "I can't swim today"
>Male: "I'm shedding the insides of my uterus and it hurts like shit. Be a jerk and you die."

+Female: "I'm fine with it"
>Male (80% chance): "How, under the goddamn sky, could you ever think that was a good idea?!"
>Male (20% chance): "I'm actually fine with it."

+Male: "Do you need help with that?"
>Female: "Do you need help with that?"
This does NOT! mean: "Wow you incompetent bitch. Trying to do a man's job. That is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. Get out of the way, missy. Women are not suitable."

+Male: "Make me a sandwich. Go back to the kitchen. Why are you not cleaning?"
>Female: *silence*