The other day, I saw instant noodles with the dessicated vegetables already with the noodles (and not in a separate packet). Then I thought about it - why the hell does any part of it have to be in a packet?
The only reason I can think of is that perhaps if the packaging breaks in transit, beef flavoured MSG won't spill everywhere, but that's not very convincing. In any case, surely they can just make a stock cube and put it in the middle of the noodles.
I reckon it's to give you the illusion that you are not an utter failure at life, especially if your sole diet is instant noodles. How depressing is it to "just add water" and make all your meal? Having to rip open the packets and pour them in feels like you are contributing at least some skill. Like, without you, the noodles wouldn't be complete.
If it was all ready for you, every time you pour your boiling water into the instant noodle cup, a little bit of your soul drains away as you slowly realise that the noodles do not need you. They are just a cup of hot water away from being self-sufficient.
Meanwhile, you'd die in about a week without the noodles. The noodles won't die without you. With the seasoning all ready, they don't need you. But you need noodles. Subconsciously, you perceive yourself as one of sub-noodle standard, and this translates into the real world, as you fail to get a job.
Without a decent source of income, you turn to noodles for sustenance.
And the noodles will be waiting.
No but seriously, I don't recall freeze-dry food having shitty packets unless it was actual liquid sauce. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.
napier
Long time without a post...
Alright so one day I was separated from the rest of my family in Napier, NZ. To pass the time, I typed this email out on my phone. I copy pasted directly.
OMG so I got left behind today. Ill recount what has happened so far to pass the time.
Okay so in NZ our phones don't work.
I needed a netcafe to access and accept my offer. I needed to do it ASAP cos of deadline on 25th.
I took longer than expected (~45min). So my parents and Andy decided to look for this "Kiwi House" zoo that was on our ship maps, at around the 40min mark.
So I finished up, went to Kiwi House. Couldn't find it, asked a nearby bike hire where it is. They said it hasn't existed for years, and has been replaced. They were really nice and let me borrow a bike for a couple minutes to cycle to the new building and see if my parents were there.
So I went to the new building, which apparently my parents and Andy (henceforth known as "They" or "Them") didnt even enter.
Okay I cycled back, thanked the staff for their kindness, went to visitor centre to see if They used that as a meeting point.
Our communications were shoddy, but I used the city's free wifi (most cities in New Zealand provide free wifi. It's pretty cool). So I sent Andy a Facebook message that I was at the visitor centre. I do this because that's all he does on wifi. He wastes 15 minutes of our ship net at a time on Facebook chat like a douche ahaha.
10 minutes later, Andy still hadn't signed onto Facebook. So I decided to go back to netcafe to see if They'd gone there to meet. First I sent Andy a Facebook message telling Them that I would be going net cafe, in case Andy read Facebook before then.
Well They weren't there and now I'm kinda frustrated as to where They think a meeting point should be.
So I've been at the visitor centre again, since 11:40 (now its noon). Told Andy via Facebook again.
Now I'm on the bus back to the ship. Hopefully They decided that They'd go to ship as rendezvous. Still keeping Andy updated via FB.
If They're not on the ship I will be severely disappointed and would demand an explanation.
I can't even get a drink on the ship after this ordeal T.T. Wait until the last day to reap my duty free stash hehe.
Well at least I finished my uni application.
Resolution: They were not on the ship. They asked around and eventually found out that the Kiwi House was moved to the Aquarium (a piece of information I had not stumbled across despite asking two locals...). So They went to the Aquarium and I was like ಠ_ಠ when I heard, but whatever at least nothing permanently bad happened.
More things to recount: souvenirs/duty free, rosemary dude, UAC times + deadline.
Alright so one day I was separated from the rest of my family in Napier, NZ. To pass the time, I typed this email out on my phone. I copy pasted directly.
OMG so I got left behind today. Ill recount what has happened so far to pass the time.
Okay so in NZ our phones don't work.
I needed a netcafe to access and accept my offer. I needed to do it ASAP cos of deadline on 25th.
I took longer than expected (~45min). So my parents and Andy decided to look for this "Kiwi House" zoo that was on our ship maps, at around the 40min mark.
So I finished up, went to Kiwi House. Couldn't find it, asked a nearby bike hire where it is. They said it hasn't existed for years, and has been replaced. They were really nice and let me borrow a bike for a couple minutes to cycle to the new building and see if my parents were there.
So I went to the new building, which apparently my parents and Andy (henceforth known as "They" or "Them") didnt even enter.
Okay I cycled back, thanked the staff for their kindness, went to visitor centre to see if They used that as a meeting point.
Our communications were shoddy, but I used the city's free wifi (most cities in New Zealand provide free wifi. It's pretty cool). So I sent Andy a Facebook message that I was at the visitor centre. I do this because that's all he does on wifi. He wastes 15 minutes of our ship net at a time on Facebook chat like a douche ahaha.
10 minutes later, Andy still hadn't signed onto Facebook. So I decided to go back to netcafe to see if They'd gone there to meet. First I sent Andy a Facebook message telling Them that I would be going net cafe, in case Andy read Facebook before then.
Well They weren't there and now I'm kinda frustrated as to where They think a meeting point should be.
So I've been at the visitor centre again, since 11:40 (now its noon). Told Andy via Facebook again.
Now I'm on the bus back to the ship. Hopefully They decided that They'd go to ship as rendezvous. Still keeping Andy updated via FB.
If They're not on the ship I will be severely disappointed and would demand an explanation.
I can't even get a drink on the ship after this ordeal T.T. Wait until the last day to reap my duty free stash hehe.
Well at least I finished my uni application.
Resolution: They were not on the ship. They asked around and eventually found out that the Kiwi House was moved to the Aquarium (a piece of information I had not stumbled across despite asking two locals...). So They went to the Aquarium and I was like ಠ_ಠ when I heard, but whatever at least nothing permanently bad happened.
More things to recount: souvenirs/duty free, rosemary dude, UAC times + deadline.
glassware
Today I am going to cover different pieces of glassware and why they are shaped like that, so that you don't hold the bulb of a champagne flute like an idiot (Y).
All pictures taken from Wiki yay. tl;drs at the end of each item.
This is in the class of glassware known as stemware. Because it has a stem.
As you may have noticed, all cocktails are served ice cold. This is because it is intended to be consumed ice cold. Your hands are somewhere between 30-35 degrees celsius. That is not ice cold. Hence holding the glass by the bulb heats up the drink faster than if you held it by the stem.
The effect of heating up cocktails is not as terrible as warm beer (seriously wtf) because they're usually sweet-ish, however warming up the liquor will make the alcohol taste more prevalent and that's just not as nice as if you held the goddamn glass properly. It makes me cringe when I see people drinking martinis and they are all molesting the top. It's like they want to give the drink a hug with their hands. A drink that cold will also be uncomfortable for your fingers too...
The reason it has such a wide rim is so that the drinker can fully appreciate the colour and smell of the cocktail as they drink.
tl;dr Hold it by the stem. I push my pinky against the top of the base to balance the glass better.
This is pretty much the same as a cocktail glass, in that they can sorta be used interchangeably (although cocktail glasses replacing margarita glasses are more common than the reverse).
Again, margaritas are cold, hence hold it by the stem. The perennial question is "why is it shaped like a UFO" and the answer is "nobody knows". Although the more vertical lip makes it easier to salt the rim of the glass (as is common in a margarita). Maybe it's meant to be a fedora, who knows.
tl;dr Hold this by the stem too.
Okay so I can give you general guidelines, but I haven't done much in the ways of wine.
I know that for each different variety of wine there is a different shape of glass by Riedel (see any collection). I won't pretend I know why a certain shape suits a Chardonnay more than another. Actually I've never even tried a specialised glass, because seriously wtf. I wouldn't even be able to tell the difference between a white wine/red wine glass ahaha.
I CAN tell you that white wines are generally served chilled, while red wines are generally served room temperature.
I CAN tell you that wine glasses have a wide bulb for maximum surface area exposed to air to "breathe", as well as easy to swirl, and pursed lip to direct the aromas to the drinker's nose.
Now white wines are served cold, which means that you probably should be drinking it while cold. This means you hold the stem.
Red wines are served room temp, so I can't justify why you don't hold it by the bulb. It won't diminish the taste, but why bother making a habit of the wrong technique?
If you are complaining that "oh my wine glass is too top heavy for me to grab the stem" then fucking pour yourself less wine :P
tl;dr Hold these by the stem too. Swirl your reds around and see if it makes a difference.
I don't think anybody decants red wines (with one of these bad boys) at home because seriously wtf who gives a shit. It seems pretty fun though. Anyway, it made me cringe to see the BEVERAGE STAFF pouring out the very last dregs of a red wine bottle by normal pouring. Lets just say red wine sediments, and sediment is not nice to drink. Pour the last glass of wine very slowly so that you disturb as little sediment as possible, and stop pouring when the wine shows darker (browner) bits. I think it is like pure tannins or some shit (the taste of grape stems) so herpa. Just chuck that last 3mLs away, you'll survive.
Seriously wtf why would you ever hold this by the bulb.
a) The drink is cold
b) The pretty bubbles are rising.
They made the glass so that it's tall and has maximum contact with the glass. Imperfections and fine dust on the glass precipitate bubble formation (thankyou QI).
It has a stem. Use it pliz.
tl:dr Hold it by the stem.
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This is where you drink stuff like ____ on the rocks, Old Fashioned, Black/White Russians, and probably some other cocktails that I've forgotten. It's designed to be picked up (I don't think I've ever served with a straw).
Apparently you're meant to hold it by the base, but I find that it works just as well if you hold it at the top (above the level of the ice) so that your hand doesn't warm stuff up too much. And it's just better control than holding it at the bottom. But just keep in mind that holding it by the base is the recommended approach :L
Firstly, optionally, hold the shot glass under your nose to smell the "heat" of the liquor (ie how much it prickles your nose). You have more leeway with smoother liquors that don't prickle as much, but hot liquors like Jack Daniels will absolutely destroy you from the inside out if you choke :P.
Take a medium sized breath (of air, not nosing the liquor) and tip all of the shot glass into your mouth. Don't worry, it WILL all fit in your mouth. Do not breathe yet.
Once you've got the whole portion in your mouth (you can take the shot in two gulps if you must, but don't try to swallow and pour at the same time unless you're a pro), swallow. Once the complete swallowing action is over (for guys, Adams apple moves up and all the way back down; girls, go by whatever reference LOL) breathe out THROUGH THE NOSE.
Swallow some saliva before breathing in again. Breathe through your nose for the next few breaths until your mouth feels clear again.
This method of taking a shot prevents the heat of the liquor from irritating airways (the main reason people splutter when taking a shot).
Overall tl;dr: if it's cold, hold it by the stem. Pretty much, if it has a stem, hold it by the stem, otherwise why did they make a stem? For others, hold by base.
All pictures taken from Wiki yay. tl;drs at the end of each item.
Cocktail glass
(aka martini glass)As you may have noticed, all cocktails are served ice cold. This is because it is intended to be consumed ice cold. Your hands are somewhere between 30-35 degrees celsius. That is not ice cold. Hence holding the glass by the bulb heats up the drink faster than if you held it by the stem.
The effect of heating up cocktails is not as terrible as warm beer (seriously wtf) because they're usually sweet-ish, however warming up the liquor will make the alcohol taste more prevalent and that's just not as nice as if you held the goddamn glass properly. It makes me cringe when I see people drinking martinis and they are all molesting the top. It's like they want to give the drink a hug with their hands. A drink that cold will also be uncomfortable for your fingers too...
The reason it has such a wide rim is so that the drinker can fully appreciate the colour and smell of the cocktail as they drink.
tl;dr Hold it by the stem. I push my pinky against the top of the base to balance the glass better.
Margarita glass
Again, margaritas are cold, hence hold it by the stem. The perennial question is "why is it shaped like a UFO" and the answer is "nobody knows". Although the more vertical lip makes it easier to salt the rim of the glass (as is common in a margarita). Maybe it's meant to be a fedora, who knows.
tl;dr Hold this by the stem too.
Red/white wine glass
Okay so I can give you general guidelines, but I haven't done much in the ways of wine.
I know that for each different variety of wine there is a different shape of glass by Riedel (see any collection). I won't pretend I know why a certain shape suits a Chardonnay more than another. Actually I've never even tried a specialised glass, because seriously wtf. I wouldn't even be able to tell the difference between a white wine/red wine glass ahaha.
I CAN tell you that white wines are generally served chilled, while red wines are generally served room temperature.
I CAN tell you that wine glasses have a wide bulb for maximum surface area exposed to air to "breathe", as well as easy to swirl, and pursed lip to direct the aromas to the drinker's nose.
Now white wines are served cold, which means that you probably should be drinking it while cold. This means you hold the stem.
Red wines are served room temp, so I can't justify why you don't hold it by the bulb. It won't diminish the taste, but why bother making a habit of the wrong technique?
If you are complaining that "oh my wine glass is too top heavy for me to grab the stem" then fucking pour yourself less wine :P
tl;dr Hold these by the stem too. Swirl your reds around and see if it makes a difference.
Storage and pouring
Okay so firstly if you have corked wine and you don't intend on drinking it all when you go home, STORE IT SIDEWAYS. Let the wine wet the cork, prevent the cork from drying out and allowing your wine to oxidise in your basement.I don't think anybody decants red wines (with one of these bad boys) at home because seriously wtf who gives a shit. It seems pretty fun though. Anyway, it made me cringe to see the BEVERAGE STAFF pouring out the very last dregs of a red wine bottle by normal pouring. Lets just say red wine sediments, and sediment is not nice to drink. Pour the last glass of wine very slowly so that you disturb as little sediment as possible, and stop pouring when the wine shows darker (browner) bits. I think it is like pure tannins or some shit (the taste of grape stems) so herpa. Just chuck that last 3mLs away, you'll survive.
Champagne flute
a) The drink is cold
b) The pretty bubbles are rising.
They made the glass so that it's tall and has maximum contact with the glass. Imperfections and fine dust on the glass precipitate bubble formation (thankyou QI).
It has a stem. Use it pliz.
tl:dr Hold it by the stem.
Highball Glass
Not really designed to be picked up, can be drunk happily from the counter/table with a straw. Over a coaster. If you wanna move it, pick it up by the base, so you
a) Don't look like a douche
b) Don't freeze your fingers off
This is typically for drinks with lots of juice/other mixer, and is filled to the brim with ice. Hence cold.
tl;dr Just drink from the table. If you have to move, hold it near the base, or near the rim, above the liquid level.
Lowball Glass
This is where you drink stuff like ____ on the rocks, Old Fashioned, Black/White Russians, and probably some other cocktails that I've forgotten. It's designed to be picked up (I don't think I've ever served with a straw).
Apparently you're meant to hold it by the base, but I find that it works just as well if you hold it at the top (above the level of the ice) so that your hand doesn't warm stuff up too much. And it's just better control than holding it at the bottom. But just keep in mind that holding it by the base is the recommended approach :L
Shot glass
This is not about to hold it, but more about how to not choke your first time taking shots.Firstly, optionally, hold the shot glass under your nose to smell the "heat" of the liquor (ie how much it prickles your nose). You have more leeway with smoother liquors that don't prickle as much, but hot liquors like Jack Daniels will absolutely destroy you from the inside out if you choke :P.
Take a medium sized breath (of air, not nosing the liquor) and tip all of the shot glass into your mouth. Don't worry, it WILL all fit in your mouth. Do not breathe yet.
Once you've got the whole portion in your mouth (you can take the shot in two gulps if you must, but don't try to swallow and pour at the same time unless you're a pro), swallow. Once the complete swallowing action is over (for guys, Adams apple moves up and all the way back down; girls, go by whatever reference LOL) breathe out THROUGH THE NOSE.
Swallow some saliva before breathing in again. Breathe through your nose for the next few breaths until your mouth feels clear again.
This method of taking a shot prevents the heat of the liquor from irritating airways (the main reason people splutter when taking a shot).
Overall tl;dr: if it's cold, hold it by the stem. Pretty much, if it has a stem, hold it by the stem, otherwise why did they make a stem? For others, hold by base.
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