chime theory

Chimes work in a different way to light/sound/energy waves, where intensity diminishes as an inverse square of the distance from the source. The inappropriateness combined with the sheer distance over which the chime is performed makes up the total effect of the chime.

[Intensity] = ([Power]/2)^3 * [Distance]

Where Intensity is what the observer "feels" as a result of the chime, Power is the inappropriateness or stupidity of the remark included in the chime, and Distance is sooooo hard to explain so I can't be bothered xP

Power (unit: idiots)

Power is on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is a weak, somewhat sensible chime, and 10 is the motherload of all idiots.

You can have a chime like "ME TOO" which is a baby chime. It is so common and actually has a power of less than 1. In the formula, it gets cubed to oblivion (and so the intensity perceived is minimal). Like 0.5^3 is 0.125. Which can be barely felt.

Huge chimes that take words out of context
"So I was watching Mythbusters, and they blew up this car"
*chime* "Who blew who's dad? You blew your dad? EWW WHY DID YOU DO THAT"
Stupidly inappropriate chimes like this have a power of about 4.

The highest power of chime ever recorded was a 6.9, and there were 2 fatalities and several other casualties. Luckily there was not a lot of distance, so the chime didn't gather a huge amount of power.

Distance (unit: m)

Distance is measured in metres, from the centre of the conversation to the person making the chime. If the chimer is out of sight, the measurement must be taken as a DISTANCE and dodging any obstacles. So if there was a wall, the measurement would have to go through the doorway to measure how far the chimer is from the convo.

Observe the 3 figures below. The yellow circle is the chimer, the blue circle is the conversation holder. The brown line is the wall, the gap is a doorway, and the pale blue line is a window.

Most chimes average 1m, maybe a tiiiny bit more. Spectacular chimes are 5m away. 10m chimes are scarce but not unheard of.

Intensity (unit: facepalms [idiot^3 metres])

This is the direct amount of pain felt after both factors have been calculated. A weak chime from far away is just as bad as a strong chime from very close.

So next time someone chimes and you think "phwoar whatta massive chime", you can now quantitatively recall it to your friends! 8D