out bush

I might bother blogging properly again, now that Prelims are over and I'm relatively less stressed, barring 3on3 Soccer xP.

I'm here to recount our bivouac - a lot of people asked how it was (thanks, btw =D) and I just said "eventful", too tired to tell the whole story. Well here it is now =)

Table of Contents

Beautifully hyperlinked for your reading pleasure.
1) The First Bus
2) Peons and Fudz
3) Sleepy Driver
4) TWSS
5) The Lost Section
6) Deceptive Lookout
7) Overnight
8) Calamari Rings
9) The 911 Complex
10) The Bus Returns

1) The First Bus

It seems that every freaking time we go to Newnes, there is trackwork between Parramatta and Penrith. This time is no exception. Not to rage though, they did have CityRail buses and whatnot to keep us all linked up. Sort of.
So we were happily, naively, sitting on a bus from Parramatta to Penrith, trusting that our driver knew where the fuck he was going. And for the most part, he did pretty well. Except in the last 15 minutes or so, we can tell something's wrong if he's pulling 3 point turns.
As probably very few of you know, Penrith station is being dug up right now, with fencing all around. There is also a misleading road that goes to some Museum of Fire ("Exhibit A - Ashes. Exhibit B - Different Ashes"?! What the hell goes into this?!). Anyway so our driver went into Museum of Fire, backed out, wasted a few minutes finding the entrance to the station, and set us down.
So we were like "wtf man" but we got off the bus and walked towards the train. It didn't occur to CityRail that if the driver didn't arrive on time, it's probably better to wait for the passengers than it is to drive off with an empty train.
We got on the platform to see "Next train: Departs in 2 hours and 09 minutes". So we were like FUARRRR but we couldn't go FUARRRR and just bar the cadets. We needed to keep them interested.
So we pulled an Orders Group (giving an order for a mission, in this case our biv), Soldier's Five (impromptu lesson), and I was prepared to pull out my 1 hour time waster - where you handcuff two people, but you cross their strings over each other so that they must try to get out.
Unfortunately/fortunately, we didn't get time to do this, as the CityRail dudes pulled us a bus. Yes a fucking bus. To drive us from Penrith to Lithgow. Took about an hour and a half but hey, didn't lose as much time as we anticipated =)
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2) Peons and Fudz

On this bus, Brian and I asserted our love of the word "fudz" to mean "food", or more specifically, the phenomena where food is more delicious when you are hungry and alone, and you eat copious amounts of fudz. Kerry, who at the beginning of the trip was like "wtf does fuds mean?!", told us, when we were returning from the biv that he used the word fudz while talking to someone during the biv, and was like "omg wtf am I doing?". The influential power of CUOs 8D.
Another thing we did excessively was the Viking. This is when you pull a THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID, but explain it tediously. Go to 4) TWSS to see a great example of how to use the Viking.
Lastly, Brian introduced me to the word peons to mean people who are generally weaker than we are. And I took it aboard and I love it. It sounds so much more awesome than "slaves" or "minions", and I kept saying "I hope my 3on3 Soccer peons are doing stuff fine, I have no reception" (by the way my 3on3 peons exceeded all expectations =D). And we were also like "Do you think we should send our peons to sleep now?" Yeah it's a fun as word to use =D
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3) Sleepy Driver

On this same 1.5h bus trip, we had a driver who had... let's say... an interesting approach to driving.
So I often look at the rear view mirror during long bus trips, often to check if the driver could see me if I eat. But I assure you I was not eating on this particular bus trip lolol. But anyway. I noticed that our bus driver's eyes were quite droopy.
And you know how when people are sleepy, they blink but the eyes stay closed for about half a second, as if they are reluctant to open again?
And you know how when people are sleepy, their eyes look halfclosed and you doubt they can see anything?
And you know how when people are sleepy/sleeping, they do that thing where they open and close their mouth as if tasting something?
And you know how when people are sleepy, they tend to rock a lot more pronouncedly with the bus's movement?
Yeah well all those symptoms were alarmingly frequent in our bus driver. I was like HOLY CRAP BRO, but waited about 3 minutes before telling anyone.
But I told Mark, Kerry, Brian and Johnny, and they were in shits and giggles.
Obviously we survived, but let's just say we didn't feel safe =P
Whenever one of us slept and woke up, our running gag would be "Hey ___ woke up! And so did the driver!" But loljokes the driver never looked awake haha.
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4) TWSS

On this same bus trip, we had the most wtf "That's What She Said" moment. So as some of you may know, Kerry fractured his jaw in an Oztag game. So he can't chew, but he can sorta mash and dissolve food if it's soft enough. So I offered him some chocolate, and Mark, being the wise man he is, says something like "Yeah it goes in hard, but it doesn't have to come out that way".
Like it doesn't even make sense for chocolate, but it makes perfect sense when talking about a penis *Viking Slam*.
Because when you get a blowjob, you put your penis in while it's hard *Viking Slam*.
If the girl is good at it, it may come out soft *Viking Slam*
Because if she is good at it, you will ejaculate and come out flaccid *Viking Slam*

So that sums up the essence of the Viking, and also of Mark's weird ass comment that was like God's gift to TWSS.
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5) The Lost Section

So we arrived at Lithgow, and took another bus to Glen Davis. It was lol because it was a 60 seater bus for only 15 cadets and 4 adult officers/ACS. But anyways that's not the important bit.
The important part was during the hike. We were doing the same national park, but along a route that none from our generation had ever walked on before. It was a bush track, and therefore could SORT OF be confused with creeks and stuff. It sounds incredulous but sometimes the track is overgrown and the creeks were kinda clear. Anyhoos.
So Brian and I were the advance party, so we could recon the campsite when we get there.
As we walked along, we saw some tricky parts where there may be confusions between track and bush. So we radio'd and told them to halt and ask us should they find a place that was confusing.
But no-one asked so we assumed they were going along fine.
But we got a radio transmission from 1SEC, callsign "Fat Lin", who stated that they may be lost. Which is kind of a bitch, as you can imagine.
So Brian and I stopped, laid out a map, and asked them over the radio whether they could find any features, or anything. But they couldn't.
Then UA Yang and 2LT(AAC) Li came and were like "Whoa where the fuck is the section in front of us?!"
And we replied: "They are currently lost, we are getting them to do a resection (which is find where they are using prominent features"
And they replied: "Didn't you give them a GPS receiver?"
To which we replied: "Ahh. That is smarter."

Cos seriously we always carry a GPS but never have we used it, so I hardly even remember they exist. But officers are smarter than us, and we managed to guide them back after a freaking hour. That set us back quite a bit, but luckily nobody freaked, and 1SEC actually found it a "good adventure" and "quite fun". Apparently Kerry, who was luckily last, accidentally kicked off a boulder the size of one's torso, and it rolled down ominously while they were scaling a mini-cliff as they bushbashed towards the track. That would've killed someone and it was a HOLY SHIT THAT'S A CLOSE CALL moment.

Btw LT(AAC) McFadyen has the most impressive cooee =D

They got back safe and sound but the map they returned to me at the end of the day was in a shithole condition. I was like "Guys... you realise that if you were lost and didn't have a GPS, you'd cling onto your map more tightly than food, right?!"

I was very holy shit about that :L
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6) Deceptive Lookout

So the rest of the hike goes on without a hitch. As advance party, we were hax and left markers in the forms of large sticks, blocking off creeks and stuff. Another time I made a cool white stick arrow in the bush. We constantly referenced against prominent features like a log covered in mushrooms. It went on alright (Y).
Then there was a crazy bit with an extended period of uphill. It burnt, and when we reached the top there was a split from the road that led to a sign that said Starlight Canyon or something. Which we thought was the lookout cos hey, the only reason you'd put a sign that says Starlight Canyon is if there actually was a canyon and it was pretty or something right?

Well it was actually a piece of shit and another 20m hike to the real lookout, which was windy and cold as hell, but was a magnificent view. Everybody worshipped us when we taught them the "tie your hat to your epaulette" trick, which saved a few hats. That was after a hat got blown off, but got caught in a shrub very very close to the edge.

But yeah the first "lookout" was like WHAT WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS.
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7) Overnight

So after a long and tiring day we were like "yeah we'll give you a quick lesson, then off to bed at 9."
Like seriously everyone fell asleep at 9, that's how buggered we were after waking up before 5, sleeping bits on the bus, hiking and getting lost for some, the hiking some more.
Oh yes Brian and I recon'd the area, identified the best trees (which we unfornately could not use as they were not in the centre), made sure there were no crazy ass ants or bogans (2009), or drunk bogans trying to chat us up (2010). I swear every time we've been to Newnes, something crazy like this happens. In retrospect, all the pieces of unluck that we've had in this biv is nothing compared to last year's.
So it was a good night's sleep, which bit us on the ass when they were talkative as hell on the bus :L
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8) Calamari Rings

So as is Newnes biv tradition, we visit the fish and chips shop that is there (that holds probably the entire Asian population of Lithgow - the Pizza Hut probably carried all of the Indian population). So I walked in saying "I'm not that hungry, but I would love some calamari rings." And I told Brian, and we both looked at the menu for a while.
Oh let me mention now that they have about 30 items on the permanent menu (like the boards they have at McDonalds), on which they apparently sell Thick Shacks and Milk Shacks. Anyways, they have laminated A4 sheets ALL AROUND the shop, which added another 30 or so items to the menu. So that was confusing as fuck.
Anyway we both looked at the menu, and after a while I was like "gahh they must not sell calamari rings by themselves. I'll just get a snack pack (advertised as 2 scollops[sic], 2 fish pieces, 1 prawn cutlet, 1 calamari ring)". It was $5.50.
So anyway I bought that and I waited. About 10 minutes later I decided to scan around the shop. My face went like

Like, it was the A4 poster in the middle. The colours were the most saturated because it's been there the shortest amount of time. There was a red star on it. But I managed to miss it the first time - 6 calamari rings for $6.
So Brian and I were shitting about it and wondering how we missed it. I was sour about life (prepare for puns about this later on).
But when I received my snack pack there were actually 2 calamari rings, so my life got a bit more basic (harhar).
Brian was pretty sour about his 2.80 shishkebob which was chicken with chicken salt. Johnny's fush and chups came with a lemon, which he chucked away after squeezing.
Brian, later, wanted some lemon on his chips but Johnny chucked it away, so Brian was pretty sour.

In the wise words of UA Yang, better known as Buddha: "If you can get worked up about calamari rings, then you know life is going pretty well."
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9) The 911 Complex

So yesterday was the 10 year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. In the morning we had plans to do a minute silence in memory, but we split up for lessons and never actually coordinated it.
So we were talking about this on the train back, and I mentioned that when Osama bin Laden was killed, they found evidence that he was going to bomb America's railway system on 9/11/2011, on the 10 year anniversary of the attack on the Twin Towers. Nobody else knew this and found it weird that we were on a train. Barring the technicality that we were not America.
We shat bricks when we saw that our carriage number was 9110. Which could be see as 9/11, 10th anniversary. Eerie.
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10) The Bus Returns

So the trackwork didn't magically finish, we had to get off at Penrith again. It was about 5pm. And get CityRail bus'd back to Parramatta. So this would be great but the bus couldn't fit all 19 of us (officers included). So we chucked all the junior cadets on, leaving the CUOs (Brian, Johnny and me), the WO2 (Kerry), and CAPT(AAC) Best and Mr Morris outside, waiting for the next bus (ETA 1h).
But holy son of a gun another bus comes along to ferry us 6 plus about 4 other civilians back to Parra. It was a minor victory, since we only waited about 10mins.
What was mindfuck was that it was the same driver that kept falling asleep. But he looked considerably more lively on Sunday, so that was good.
Since we had only 10 people, with a total of 2 destinations, he took a highway and we ended up getting to Parramatta about 20 minutes before the first bus, even though we departed 5 to 10 minutes later.
So I waited for my brother and then we left.
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Here ends another post on a Newnes biv. I swear I only ever post about Newnes bivs cos it's always the one where something awesome happens.