knife in right hand, fork in left hand

I have three types of eating behaviours that are inexplicable to me, and maybe someone could clarify so my tolerance of such behaviours could be raised. I thank those enlightened minds in advance.

1. People who chomp their crunchy shit like they're fucking dinosaurs. rawr.

Like I know you can't avoid making a loud noise when eating crisps when they're already in your mouth. I forgive that. You cannot avoid that unless you suck on it, which defeats the whole purpose of the name "crisps". As well as "who the fuck likes soggy chips".
What I find irksome is when you're eating something large(r than your mouth), like prawn crackers or certain Doritos. Now, usually when it's too big, you put your lips on it to absorb the shock, and make an incision with your teeth (obviously and hopefully, your teeth are within your lips), so as to minimise spillage. Like a sir.
What I find astounding are those people that don't stop at ONLY separating the food at the point roughly equalling a mouthful, but to smash their teeth against the crunchy food as if to motherfucking shatter the whole biscuit/chip/cracker/I don't give a fuck as long as its crunchy. And hopefully somewhere along in the process, some fragments might end up in their mouth (the primary concern was getting those dB's up). And hey, it works, because your jaw is kind of capable of producing the most force out of any body part. It is not impressive at all if your teeth (we have established your cookie destroying jaws were actually designed to bite stuff) are capable of shattering abovementioned foods, because it takes no skill at all. If it were logically possible, it takes negative skill. When babies grow up, they stop wasting food. I would be impressed, say, if you were 100 and you wanted to show off that somehow your teeth were still intact and capable of this. Fine. But we are not yet so old.
Plus it drops a shitload of crumbs. If this is at camps, this makes our planned gay orgy midnight walkabouts a lot more disgusting. We're barefoot. If its like at school or some shit, it's just uncomfortable watching people drop shattered food remains everywhere. On white shirts. It's unsightly.

2. People who smack their lips while eating as if someone wanted an aural aid to count how many times they chew.

I can't describe the noise. You know when we tut at someone, and we kinda click the tongue against the roof of the mouth? Yeah, that noise. When you're eating, that is unnecessary. I think it's to demonstrate you're eating nice food. There's more effective ways of showing that off, like maybe people could passively pick up the smell of the delicious aromas. Maybe it looks delicious because you have some nicely marinated chicken and it's all glisteny and awesome looking. Or maybe you can shove it up your rectum and eat it afterwards to prove how even that does not tarnish its edibility - so powerful is the nice taste. Okay don't do the last one you'll probably get arrested for indecent exposure. I won't stop you from doing it at home, if that floats your boat.
It can't be the fact that you actually have food, because TI not A, and we are lucky enough to have access to food whenever we feel like. And if I can see you we're probably at recess or lunch, where everyone else has food anyway. Or maybe you're in class and you enjoy detentions or listening to threats of having to clean tables with your tongue. (I wonder if actually making someone do that is as illegal as we hope it is...)
If anything it shows off the fact you can substitute the primary source of aural annoyances (talking like an idiot) with your secondary sound-based weapon (chewing like a fish) because you can't even give us a break when you're stuffing your face.
So whatever point you're trying to make - we don't care.
A simple solution is to chew with your mouth closed - unless you practise it's really hard to make that clicking noise. Trust me I tried just then. You can trust yourself too because chances are you tried it just then too.

3. People who have the intrinsic need to name foodstuff in hopes of being Carl Linnaeus v2 - Food Taxonomist


All hail the annoying cries: It's a baklava! It's a baklava! It's a tiramisu! It's a tiramisu! It's a creme brulee! It's a creme brulee!
There is only one reason that I can think of why a roomful of people wouldn't mind you naming stuff. That reason is: when they asked.
Like if we were at a camp, and then I was some distance behind a friend, and wondering what version of gruel we were being served, I would ask. And they would project their voice rearward, heralding (hope that is a word) the good news of "some chicken looking stuff with corn and papier mache. Dessert is some cake shit." They would not shout out "chicken breast schnitzel with a side of golden fried potato wedges, assorted vegetables, papier mache, and don't forget the delightful dessert of tiramisu!"
Because nobody gives a fuck if you can name food when it's at a volume slightly above conversation level. If your private conversation rolls that way, sure, go ahead. But for the rest of the room - did not ask, did not care. I'd give a fuck if you could name something interesting like species of unicorns. Yeah, why don't you name us some unicorn species. And only unicorn species. Pegasus is kinda pushing it.
Like they'd serve us something with a cool name at a fucking camp anyway. Except papier mache. That just rrrrolls off the tongue.
I kid, they wouldn't serve us papier mache.
Why put in glue when you can just as easily not? So it's just paper and water.



Just so you know, these are not necessarily observed from people at school. I could've seen these behaviours at Cadets, (family) social gatherings, or even at restaurants, and then attached it to a school environment so my target audience (you!) could relate =P
If you think you are the target of this, go through this model
1) It's probably not you. No offence is directed at anyone.
2) Stop insisting it's you, I maintain it's not.
3) For the last time it's very unlikely that it is you.
4) Okay it actually is you. Go hang yourself with your own intestines.

more guitar



A copy of the video description
A bit of improv.
The backing is in C Mixo (I think) then I played A minor over it.

Gear:
Fender American Standard HSS Stratocaster (Blizzard Pearl w/ Maple Neck)
BOSS DS-1
BOSS DD-7
Peavey Classic 30
Zoom H1 Handy Recorder

Compiled in Wavepad, Audacity, Adobe Premiere.

The first 2 minutes were actually in G minor - it sounded interesting but then I switched to Am cos it sounded more natural hehe.

If you stick till the end, I attached an extra track =P. It's not finished - when I finish it hopefully I will have multiple tracks, as well as some method of recording drums :L
Hope you enjoy what is there though =P

EDIT: Actually in hindsight it's basically C major feat. Bb major. Theres no way it's C Mixo =P

atheism is impossible

Premise:
Theism is based on the universal truth that there is a god.
Atheism is based on the universal truth that there is no god.
We cannot prove that a god exists.
We cannot disprove that a god exists.

Argument:
Atheism challenges theism in its claim of an unprovable universal truth.
This implies that atheism believes it is impossible to claim an unprovable universal truth.
The assertion that "a god cannot exist" is an unprovable universal truth.
By atheism's logic, atheism cannot exist.

In contrast, theism does not assert that claims of unprovable universal truths are impossible, hence logically can exist.

Conclusion:
Theism is more logical than atheism

Extra:
This, by no means, proves that theism is correct in any way. It shows that it is more correct than pure atheism (but if you believe in something you already "knew" that anyway).
As an analogy, proving the box isn't white does not make it black.There are various possible shades of grey (agnosticism), not to mention colours (other religions!) And maybe it appears black but it's reflecting ultraviolet, infrared, microwaves - beyond our powers of perception.

More crap ahead. The good part's over though.

repeat x99

Apparently I have been jamming/improvising for too long that my mum is no longer used to me learning (ie sitting down and repetitively practising till perfect)

Right now I'm trying to get down Harder Better Faster Stronger and Aerodynamic because it would be awesome to do those.
My mum was like STOP PLAYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. *looks at computer* THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE ON COMPUTER AND THEN YOU FORGET WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND PLAY THE SAME STUFF OVER AND OVER
Me: But mum, I'm learning a song!
Mum: There's an MSN window I can see it.
Me: *plays Aerodynamic on Wavepad* I'M WORKING IT OUT GO AWAY

For those few guitar people out there who read this and can relate - I think you'll agree right hand is harder than left hand. The first Aerodynamic riff is either massive left hand-stretching, or change positions to play it with string skipping. I chose string skipping because otherwise my hand starts cramping from stretching from fret 7 to 12. For those who have no idea what that means, that's equivalent to stretching 7 white keys (C to B, say), with your index and pinky.
Anyways my point is that string skipping is pretty tricky, and so it takes more than just a few repeats to get it perfect, hence my massive repeating of 2 bars over and over :L
The second (tapping) part is just awesome but you can't avoid the massive stretch (4 to 9 - about 0.5cm longer stretch than 7 to 12), but it's only brief so whatevs.

Just realised that afterwards I could totally mix it and be a baller. Oh ho I have a mission on my hands. Someone buy me a controller/interface!
Or I'll just try and make it awesome via Audacity *sigh*

social dilemmas

I have a couple of social dilemmas that I want to share with you and I don't want to Formspring because there are retards who either like misinterpreting information or actually do not make logical deductions :L

1) When you get a gift that you don't really need.
I think there are a couple of factors that come together
a. What relation this person is to you
b. The cost of the present
c. On what occasion this present was gifted to you.


What brought this up was that my cousin + her boyfriend brought/bought (both apply omfg!) iPod nanos for me and my brother. As you may know, I own an iPod touch 3 and now an iPhone. My brother has a iPod touch 4.
If we were by ourselves, we woud never gawk at a Nano on display and say "WE NEED THIS" because an iPod touch can do everything a Nano can except "be small".

But seeing as they're like the only Gen Y's in our area of extended family with which we interact with, option a. is greatly filled. Next, an iPod nano in China costs... 900RMB? Which comes in between 50-100 hours of work for an average wage. But it's okay I think my cousin's boyfriend comes from a very affluent family. There is also the added factor that they brought it all the way from China, and that they'll be spending time with us and it'd be awkies if they just remained unopened.

For this particular conundrum, we started off by giving thankyou's profusely like all Asian kids to are forced to by their parents. I did indeed open it, and found its pedometer function quite fun in a trivial way. It's amazingly accurate. And I like how the interface is still so slick even though its screen is stupidly small and still touch. Plus it's like <30g which is very convenient. The clip is good for being a poser.

2) Being a guest and trying to help
Nextly - as houseguests, how do you help? It's a weird topic. How much should you do, when do you start, and how do you insist?
It's customary(?) to offer to help around the house as a guest. Think for Asians it's respectable to steal the jobs from under their noses to prove how willing you are to be a maid[citation needed].
This isn't something that applies to our household but it's a more compelling sccenario than anything I can recall anecdotally - let's say as a houseguest you offer to do the dishes because you've been there a week already. So you wash it, use dishwashing liquid, and leave it on the rack to dry.
The hosts, however, out of habit, prefer that you use the towel to wipe down the plates before you put them on the rack. There is no disadvantage of air-drying, but out of sheer habit the hosts feel uncomfortable seeing the plates slowly drip into the sink.
It's weird to say "thanks for doing the dishes, but please wipe them down", because you didn't ask them to do it, they did it out of good intentions. It's also weird to go in afterwards and do it yourself, as if to mock their work.

The only solution is to steal the job from their noses again, under the guise of "you're the guest, you're not working", as opposed to "you cannot do this properly".

3) Being a houseguest and spotting a terrible habit.
Okay another quickly invented scenario - lets say at home I really need coasters because watermarks are hideous.
I, as a guest, am invited to a friend's new house. He has new furniture too! He invites me for a drink, pours me an ice-cold beverage, and sets it down on the table. No coasters are in sight. A bead of sweat trickles down my forehead as the condensation trickles down the glass. I ask for a coaster but he says he doesn't believe in them. I diligently wipe up my water ring after I am done, but notice that my friend does not. He leaves the water there. Horrible images of watermarks flash into my brain, but I bite my tongue - is it my place to criticise how he treats his own furniture?


Food for thought. I don't know if all these follow logical or grammatical sense, so please tell me. This was done late :L

looney tunes

This is a very funny video of Korean soldiers upon a surprise visit by Girls Generation. I found this on 9gag trending btw =)




Now that you have cbf'd clicking above video, lets talk about something interesting about the music industry.

Sampling. The greater the artist you sample, the more people are going to hate you if you fuck it up. I have listed 5 incidences of sampling from 1 being awesome, 2 being pretty epic, 3 being okay, 4 being hardly acceptable, 5 being pure asshole-ry. I don't care if it doesn't go down linear, it can be a logarithmic scale =P


1) Eminem samples Dido's "Thank You" in "Stan"
Both amazing songs. I like that it was only her vocals sampled (simple but elegant creds), with a new beat + backing, and nicely credited in the title too. And the great thing is that what makes the song isn't the hook, it's the buildup and the ending. If you haven't heard Stan before you'd need to open the lyrics up beside it cos in the drunk verse Vevo makes it sounds like "See Slim? Shut up ___ I'm trying to talk, _____ ___ _-______-_, but i __ ____ i just __ ___-" etc.

2) Daft Punk samples Edwin Birdsong's "Cola Bottle Baby" in "Harder Better Faster Stronger"
I listened to Cola Bottle Baby and was like "BUT THIS IS THE ESSENCE OF HBFS!" It's quite interesting hearing the original source of this funky ass riff. Now obviously a good deal of Daft Punk songs are sampled seeing as they are DJ's and not singers/guitarists. I included this to be fair to Kanye down there. Others include Robot Rock -> Release the Beast (Breakwater); Digital Love -> I Love You More (George Duke); Crescendolls -> Can You Imagine (Anthony and the Imperials). I just found those out by Googling I didn't actually know of those other songs :L

3) Kanye West samples Daft Punk's "Harder Better Faster Stronger" in "Stronger"
There's a heated argument between Daft and Kanye fans in the comments and it's hilarious. 3&4 was a tossup between Stronger and (SPOILERS FOR NEXT SONG ->) Me Love. While Stronger sounds better, it is clear that the HBFS hook is what makes the whole song. Me Love, while it sounds slightly lamer, only samples the vocal melody of D'yer Mak'er, and while it may not have gotten famous without the sample, it wouldn't sound like complete ass. Then I watched the 2008 Grammy where Daft Punk supported Kanye West. I didn't see a similar for Led Zep/Sean Kingston. So Stronger wins.

4) Sean Kingston samples Led Zeppelin's "D'yer Mak'er" in "Me Love"
Led Zeppelin is like fucking legend. Even if you don't like their music, you still respect it. Because it's motherfucking Led Zeppelin and it's holy.
Okay, I'll be honest, Me Love's not BAD. But it sure as hell ain't good. And when you sample Led Zeppelin, you're bound to piss off a lot of people. Hell, the comments now are still hate from Led Zeppelin fans.
For reasons stated above, this loses to "Stronger".
Also, Daft Punk is awesome, but Led Zeppelin is legendary. So that tipped the scales too.

5) Vanilla Ice samples "Under Pressure" in "Ice Ice Baby"
It's Queen. Like, Under Pressure, by Queen. Then you put "Ice Ice Baby" onto it. I have no words.
Surprisingly there are no hate comments from Queen fans right now, though there is one smug comment about how Vanilla Ice was sued for stealing the riff (a story which I doubt greatly, as ownership of creative material in the music industry is very hazy beyond DRM).
Next, rap is shit if all you do is say "I'M AT A FUCKING PARTY" or you whine about how you can't get laid. Unfortunately that is also about 80% of all rap written. Ice Ice Baby falls into that 80%.
Cue hate from Glee fans (Gleeks, right?) who will buy anything that comes out of that show. And wtf I was listening to this and you can clearly hear the autotune in the spoken part at the end. They are not even trying.


BEFORE I LEAVE - I have a special band.
This one is like -3. Does everyone remember the Rogue Traders? And their 3 biggest hits - Voodoo Child, Watching You, In Love Again? Check out the song "Pump It Up" - Elvis Costello, "My Sharona" - The Knack, and the bridge of "Head Over Heels" - Tears for Fears. The only one that resembles some sort of non-heavy reliance on tried and tested riffs is Voodoo Child, which only uses one of the riffs over and over. But the rest of them shameless lift key ideas from other songs.

hold my own and drive

I just went on the most hardcore drive I've ever been on, and probably won't encounter another in my 120h.

I drove to Macquarie. As you may be aware, the rain was pouring down in levels approaching "torrential". It was okay while I was driving towards Macq. While I was in there, there was this massive flash while I was driving around Macq Uni. I thought there was a speed camera (I was driving about 20k's in a shared zone because I swear to God nobody has the patience to drive at fucking 10k's in a shared zone. And 5k's in a shopping centre. What the ridiculous). So I was like "shit what was that". And then there's this motherfucking thunder that exploded and shook the car. So that was pretty fun.

The unfun part was driving in a swimming pool. Sorry it wasn't a swimming pool it was just lots of rain. Visibility was epic - I had a truck in front of me, and the lights from the truck dilated and started looking like red lights. I had to double check all the lights at each junction to make sure I was looking at an actual light. If there was around 10 red lights, I can assume I have to stop. If there were only 2 or 3, I am in the clear (Y).
As well as the traffic lights not being clear, headlights were also magnified to "supernova", and I followed (RUH I think)'s guide to not look at cars directly.
Something we take for granted - seeing the fucking lane lines - was a no go in this weather. Luckily Australia has reflectors on the road. But some times the government clearly did not care enough for some roads, and had to drive at 40-50km/h to a) see the lines b) steer within those lines.

In addition, the noise was fucking insane. Can't hear anything. Can't hear approaching cars and can't hear the clicking of the indicator lights. Changing lanes is retarded cos you can't see out the rear windows so I was lucky it was at night time where if I was not blinded by headlights, it means there's no-one in my blind spot (har har).

And 4WD's are fucking assholes in the rain :L. They go like 20k's faster than everyone else (which basically is the speed limit in an 80 zone) and sail through it while the other 2WD's look on enviously at their superior torque or traction whatever it is that stops them from sliding and hitting a pole. And dying.

In a hilly part near West Ryde there was a puddle at the valley. Needless to say I didn't slow down to a ridiculous 20km/h. However that did mean the car chassis impacting against the water created a nice tsunami for the opposing lane. Karma struck when later another car tsunami'd me. Out of instinct I turned my face away before realising that windscreens are a good invention for preventing drivers from going blind. I wonder how many times I need to have my windscreen splashed before my natural reaction to dodge water goes away. And how angry I will be in everyday life when I don't have a windshield and forgot to have a reaction to water flying at my face.

Woop it's raining again. I like that it dropped a couple degrees within 5 seconds of the rain hitting the ground. The air smells so fresh =D

because they're not us

Why are people who believe in Scientology deemed "obviously insane" but believing in God is a-okay? Or, if you want to be picky about my words - why is Christianity more acceptable to you than Scientology or some other cult-y belief? What's the key difference?

What is fundamentally retarded about Xenu that can't be said of the same of other gods and deities?

I'm not advocating Scientology or anything, but I am just interested why Scientology is harder to swallow than other figures of worship (of which any in-depth historical documentation is contained within a single book).

Is it just because it's new?

oh you, 9gag

This is pretty awesome. Not everything I agree with, but a penis is no "get out of jail free card", as some netizens have sweepingly asserted.

Obviously a very one-sided post but whatever, stereotypes all came from somewhere. Some of them are downright unfair


OOH reminds me. Stereotyping =/= sexism or racism and shit. Like Asian people have small eyes. That's not racism, it's an observed, physical fact. And stereotypes are true - they're just not true for EVERYONE. But if they exist (eg men will refuse to stop for directions), just because an INDIVIDUAL may not conform and object and lah di dah, a good deal of the male population would conform to that fact. Because nobody made this up for fun.

Or if we said women can't read maps or can't park their cars, there will be plenty of women who can, obviously, read maps and park well. But I am certain that there is a good deal of the female population who would rather use a GPS or get someone to teach the route, or would rather search the whole carpark for a wider spot than reverse park between the car and the pole.

I would pull a huge list of male/female stereotypes and shit but I can't be bothered so that's all you get today. Basically - stereotypes didn't appear from nowhere. Just because they're not nice or they don't apply to you, doesn't necessarily mean they're untrue.