My (quite) controversial interpretation of certain events in the Bible. If you may be offended by this, I do suggest that you don't click "Read More". This just purely a satire/parody thing, and probably WILL be offensive.
I basically wrote a mini-screenplay for each event, as I imagine them to have (supposedly) happened.
short but sweet
Firstly, for all ye bio people! Here are the photos as downloaded from the intranet, but in a handy zip file located here!
But if you really must find the photos/results on the intranet (there's no need, I tell you!), but here it is anyway.
By the way still taking expressions of interest for the BlogQuest (as introduced here). Which is what I'll call it from now on. I am already halfway to the required number of interested people! =D
Now I'll keep this short but sweet, like my title suggests
Think about sluts, players, cheaters and general broken hearts.
Think about the population crisis and world hunger and poverty.
Think about the threat STI's pose to the world.
Think about sexual assault and rape.
Think about the debate about abortions.
Would any of these be such huge problems if sex didn't feel so damn good?
But if you really must find the photos/results on the intranet (there's no need, I tell you!), but here it is anyway.
By the way still taking expressions of interest for the BlogQuest (as introduced here). Which is what I'll call it from now on. I am already halfway to the required number of interested people! =D
Now I'll keep this short but sweet, like my title suggests
Think about sluts, players, cheaters and general broken hearts.
Think about the population crisis and world hunger and poverty.
Think about the threat STI's pose to the world.
Think about sexual assault and rape.
Think about the debate about abortions.
Would any of these be such huge problems if sex didn't feel so damn good?
what everyone's probably thinking
Why do you even bother asking? People either like you enough to vote for you, or they don't. Your asking will hardly push them over the edge. Sure it probably worked in year 2. But we're in year freaking 11.
-My opinion of you is based on the 4.5 years I've been at school and not the night before the vote.
-I voted for you if I like you and also think you won't make the school a retarded place. Not because you asked me.
-If I haven't ever talked to you, ever, and you ask me to vote for you, you should've saved your energy. I know I did when I didn't reply. What am I supposed to say if I'm obviously not going to?!
-Similarly I may like you and may vote for you, but that does not mean I will vote for your friends just because you say they're cool.
-Trading votes is the dodgiest shit in the world. There are people who promised that to at least 50 people. Accepting this is the stupidest thing you can do; it is a secret ballot and there is no way in hell you can be sure that the other person voted for you. And obviously if you're trading votes it means that you guys aren't close enough to trust tacitly that he/she will vote you and you will vote him/her back. So you obviously don't have great grounds to trust them to vote back.
-Intravoting is even dodgier. How the hell is the group going to be happy chappy if everyone gets in except for one or two? Though I would be willing to see an intra-mob fight. Sounds like fun.Especially if girls are involved.
-If you bothered to ask via blog or MSN personal message, I would like to hear how many retards actually voted for you because you asked them in a massively impersonal way.
In short: If you had to ask, it means you doubted that I would vote for you. And after asking, you can continue doubting just as hard.
You can tell people are somewhat troubled by the things mentioned abovebut aren't saying anything (probably to preserve vote-ability). Actually if you enjoy mini-rages check out Sandra and Sun's. But regardless of whether I'm on the ballot of 60 or not, I don't feel like I'm losing anything. I can express my opinion here, and if you don't like it and then I lose your vote, then all's fair in democracy, and you have the right to not vote for me. (holy moly that was a long sentence) Also I don't know why you would even vote for me if you're guilty of any of the above in the first place.
So vote for who the hell you feel like, not for who the hell you promised a vote to.
Woo *shields up*
-My opinion of you is based on the 4.5 years I've been at school and not the night before the vote.
-I voted for you if I like you and also think you won't make the school a retarded place. Not because you asked me.
-If I haven't ever talked to you, ever, and you ask me to vote for you, you should've saved your energy. I know I did when I didn't reply. What am I supposed to say if I'm obviously not going to?!
-Similarly I may like you and may vote for you, but that does not mean I will vote for your friends just because you say they're cool.
-Trading votes is the dodgiest shit in the world. There are people who promised that to at least 50 people. Accepting this is the stupidest thing you can do; it is a secret ballot and there is no way in hell you can be sure that the other person voted for you. And obviously if you're trading votes it means that you guys aren't close enough to trust tacitly that he/she will vote you and you will vote him/her back. So you obviously don't have great grounds to trust them to vote back.
-Intravoting is even dodgier. How the hell is the group going to be happy chappy if everyone gets in except for one or two? Though I would be willing to see an intra-mob fight. Sounds like fun.
-If you bothered to ask via blog or MSN personal message, I would like to hear how many retards actually voted for you because you asked them in a massively impersonal way.
In short: If you had to ask, it means you doubted that I would vote for you. And after asking, you can continue doubting just as hard.
You can tell people are somewhat troubled by the things mentioned above
So vote for who the hell you feel like, not for who the hell you promised a vote to.
Woo *shields up*
will you marry me?
Once again I was reading cracked.com, more specifically this article.
From this article I discovered the absolute genius of the diamond industry giant De Beers.
Prior to 1930's, proposing was not done with a diamond ring. In fact, diamonds were only for rich people who felt like it, and had no cultural significance whatsoever. De Beers wanted to change this fact. They wanted diamonds to appeal to the everyday consumer. So how do they do this?
THEY FREAKING GO TO HIGH SCHOOLS AND TEACH THEM THAT "DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER". So in the 1930's, the tradition of proposing with a diamond ring was INTRODUCED as a marketing ploy by the BIGGEST DIAMOND COMPANY IN THE WORLD.
So now, every time someone gets engaged, the diamond industry seals a sale. At some shit like $15,000 a ring. And now, even if the boyfriend and girlfriend decide that diamond rings are unnecessary (they are), the boyfriend will still get judged for being a cheapo if he doesn't get a diamond ring. And the girl will inevitably get the unspoken "oh you poor girl" vibe from anyone who sets eyes on her un-diamond ring.
That genius in Marketing deserves a HUGE pay rise.
But that's not where it ends. Do you think diamonds are superduper rare? Is that why they're like $20k for a piece of diamond smaller than a mandarin seed? Well they're rare, but not THAT rare. De Beers will not allow too many mines to run at the same time! They intentionally halt mining at certain mines, or quickly buy out massive diamond deposits, so that the supply of diamonds is controlled and they can keep the elevated price of diamonds. I suppose this is to fuck over prospective fiances, just because they can. Or maybe the ridiculous price defines how much he loves her. As in, I-will-sacrifice-2-to-3-month's-salary-I-love-you. Relationships suddenly look a lot more material.
So if you think you're going hipster.
If you think you are dodging massive near-monopoly companies by buying obscurely branded items.
If you think you are immune to mass marketing techniques.
If you don't think your love for each other is defined by how much you [are willing to] spend on each other.
If you think you are better than all those weak-minded idiots out there, mindlessly buying well-established branded products just because.
Then too fucking bad, everyone expects you to get a diamond ring anyway. And you probably expect yourself to get a diamond ring too (from Tiffany, no less). You're just weak to the marketing as any other poor (like literally, my-house-has-been-mortgaged-three-times-and-I-sold-my-kidneys-on-the-black-market poor) chum out there.
From this article I discovered the absolute genius of the diamond industry giant De Beers.
Prior to 1930's, proposing was not done with a diamond ring. In fact, diamonds were only for rich people who felt like it, and had no cultural significance whatsoever. De Beers wanted to change this fact. They wanted diamonds to appeal to the everyday consumer. So how do they do this?
THEY FREAKING GO TO HIGH SCHOOLS AND TEACH THEM THAT "DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER". So in the 1930's, the tradition of proposing with a diamond ring was INTRODUCED as a marketing ploy by the BIGGEST DIAMOND COMPANY IN THE WORLD.
So now, every time someone gets engaged, the diamond industry seals a sale. At some shit like $15,000 a ring. And now, even if the boyfriend and girlfriend decide that diamond rings are unnecessary (they are), the boyfriend will still get judged for being a cheapo if he doesn't get a diamond ring. And the girl will inevitably get the unspoken "oh you poor girl" vibe from anyone who sets eyes on her un-diamond ring.
That genius in Marketing deserves a HUGE pay rise.
But that's not where it ends. Do you think diamonds are superduper rare? Is that why they're like $20k for a piece of diamond smaller than a mandarin seed? Well they're rare, but not THAT rare. De Beers will not allow too many mines to run at the same time! They intentionally halt mining at certain mines, or quickly buy out massive diamond deposits, so that the supply of diamonds is controlled and they can keep the elevated price of diamonds. I suppose this is to fuck over prospective fiances, just because they can. Or maybe the ridiculous price defines how much he loves her. As in, I-will-sacrifice-2-to-3-month's-salary-I-love-you. Relationships suddenly look a lot more material.
So if you think you're going hipster.
If you think you are dodging massive near-monopoly companies by buying obscurely branded items.
If you think you are immune to mass marketing techniques.
If you don't think your love for each other is defined by how much you [are willing to] spend on each other.
If you think you are better than all those weak-minded idiots out there, mindlessly buying well-established branded products just because.
Then too fucking bad, everyone expects you to get a diamond ring anyway. And you probably expect yourself to get a diamond ring too (from Tiffany, no less). You're just weak to the marketing as any other poor (like literally, my-house-has-been-mortgaged-three-times-and-I-sold-my-kidneys-on-the-black-market poor) chum out there.
before i forget
Creds to Tree and Brian who inception'd this idea!
So like usual, we never use the Scrabble set to play Scrabble per se. But here is what they came up with, and which I joined after zone and played with 8D
So Mastermind is played with the 5 colours in some order, and you keep trying to guess, where the "Master" uses black and white dots to tell you that you have a "right colour in right position" and "right colour wrong position" respectively.
This translates to letters from Scrabble. After considerationz, we came up with the following rules:
- The "Master" can construct a random bunch of four letters, not necessarily a word.
- The "Master" is can only construct a bunch of letters with a total score value of 6 or less.
- Having two of the same letter is allowed, but triples are banned. (Keeping in mind the total letter score value must be 6 or less)
- The guesser is not allowed to count the letters to see which ones are missing.
- Blanks may be used as a substitute for any named letter.
- Once you used letters in a guess, you may not take them off and reuse the letters.
- Your guesses are not limited, however if the Master has a letter, let's say D, and the guesser uses all his/her D's, then that's just too freaking bad.
This was played on a piece of paper, where the Master would draw filled and empty circles according to the standard Mastermind rules.
The score limit of 6 means that the Master cannot use any letters with score value of 4 or above. This means all those "rare" letters instantly become junk letters, and you can use those in conjunction with non-junk letters to determine what's useable or not. And then in something I call "breeding junk letters", I test letters like A and I and O, which have like a bajillion of each, and in the likely chance that the Master did not include that letter, you can then keep using those letters as new junk letters.
And this is beautiful because it is impossible for other people to want to join and then force us to ba the game for a massive crowd of players (FTQ, anyone? Bullfish was alright but then got retarded). By the way "ba" is the opposite of "imba".
Alright I don't think I missed any other rules =D. Please remind me if I missed one!
Scrabble Mastermind
So like usual, we never use the Scrabble set to play Scrabble per se. But here is what they came up with, and which I joined after zone and played with 8D
So Mastermind is played with the 5 colours in some order, and you keep trying to guess, where the "Master" uses black and white dots to tell you that you have a "right colour in right position" and "right colour wrong position" respectively.
This translates to letters from Scrabble. After considerationz, we came up with the following rules:
- The "Master" can construct a random bunch of four letters, not necessarily a word.
- The "Master" is can only construct a bunch of letters with a total score value of 6 or less.
- Having two of the same letter is allowed, but triples are banned. (Keeping in mind the total letter score value must be 6 or less)
- The guesser is not allowed to count the letters to see which ones are missing.
- Blanks may be used as a substitute for any named letter.
- Once you used letters in a guess, you may not take them off and reuse the letters.
- Your guesses are not limited, however if the Master has a letter, let's say D, and the guesser uses all his/her D's, then that's just too freaking bad.
This was played on a piece of paper, where the Master would draw filled and empty circles according to the standard Mastermind rules.
The score limit of 6 means that the Master cannot use any letters with score value of 4 or above. This means all those "rare" letters instantly become junk letters, and you can use those in conjunction with non-junk letters to determine what's useable or not. And then in something I call "breeding junk letters", I test letters like A and I and O, which have like a bajillion of each, and in the likely chance that the Master did not include that letter, you can then keep using those letters as new junk letters.
And this is beautiful because it is impossible for other people to want to join and then force us to ba the game for a massive crowd of players (FTQ, anyone? Bullfish was alright but then got retarded). By the way "ba" is the opposite of "imba".
Alright I don't think I missed any other rules =D. Please remind me if I missed one!
now that i have some breathing space
Firstly guys
Meme =/= survey
Trolling =/= tricking someone
Please use the right terminology =)
Firstly I am planning a massive game. For those like. 10 people. That managed to watch my song from this post, I am going to make a massive inter-media link maze thing. This will involve going across social sites, across other people's blogs, and I will make it as diverse as possible. The prize for reaching the end will be mentioned at the start of the game (provided you unlock the start 8D). I will post the start under a new pictionary, when I finish setting everything up 8D. I aim for the game to take at least 30 minutes.
But if few people are actually interested in this game, then I cbf. So tell me, in comments, in the chatbox, on msn, a text, ANYWHERE! if you're interested in playing this game. I think I'll need at least 12 people who'll play before I can be bothered :L
Alright now I'm hiding a SURVEY (not meme).
Meme =/= survey
Trolling =/= tricking someone
Please use the right terminology =)
Firstly I am planning a massive game. For those like. 10 people. That managed to watch my song from this post, I am going to make a massive inter-media link maze thing. This will involve going across social sites, across other people's blogs, and I will make it as diverse as possible. The prize for reaching the end will be mentioned at the start of the game (provided you unlock the start 8D). I will post the start under a new pictionary, when I finish setting everything up 8D. I aim for the game to take at least 30 minutes.
But if few people are actually interested in this game, then I cbf. So tell me, in comments, in the chatbox, on msn, a text, ANYWHERE! if you're interested in playing this game. I think I'll need at least 12 people who'll play before I can be bothered :L
Alright now I'm hiding a SURVEY (not meme).
let there be light
Yay if anyone wants to trade 3U stories I am happy to oblige
Secondly I am so disappointed that only 9 people have unlocked the link. That is pathetic, children :L.
YAY RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION WOO
I think there exists a thing such as a god. Or several gods. Who knows. But not in any way we can perceive, so I don't think it's worth even trying. This god may have a physical presence, or may not. But it's highly unlikely that humans, no matter how collectively we work, could ever document the workings of this god in some way satisfactory. Secondly, the god does not give a shit what you think as an individual.
I'll show you what I mean.
Now I highly doubt ants (even if they were smart) would be able to perceive that I am the source of the trouble and think "ahh that fricking Jeff again". They would be more like "HOLY FUCK THE WORLD IS EXPLODING AND I DON'T KNOW WHY"
As a more intelligent and relatively omnipotent being, 1 year is a pattern that I can see and consistently perceive. However a period of 6 generations is quite a lot for ants. Just like 400 years is a long time to confirm any pattern.
BUT I do respect the power of religion, I am impressed that people have that amount of faith in anything, and would like some of that stuff. However it doesn't appeal to me xP. Oh and I don't like "In God's own time" or "God works in mysterious ways".
Say like you miscarried, or your house got smashed by your tree, or if you're Joseph, your virgin wife is fucking pregnant. (Seriously how come Joseph is so chill. He's just like, yeah she's pregnant. Yeah course she's still a virgin. Duhh.) And you go "WHY GOD WHY". And some smart guy answers "God works in mysterious ways".
WELL next time I break your shit, kill your unborn baby, or screw your previously unscrewed wife, I am not an asshole. And you will not punch me. Because I'm fucking mysterious.
Disclaimer: No ants were harmed in the making of this post.
Secondly I am so disappointed that only 9 people have unlocked the link. That is pathetic, children :L.
YAY RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION WOO
I think there exists a thing such as a god. Or several gods. Who knows. But not in any way we can perceive, so I don't think it's worth even trying. This god may have a physical presence, or may not. But it's highly unlikely that humans, no matter how collectively we work, could ever document the workings of this god in some way satisfactory. Secondly, the god does not give a shit what you think as an individual.
I'll show you what I mean.
The unperceivable god
Ants are living happily in a colony. Once a year I visit and dig up their nest (woot woot). According to a quick Google search, 1year is 6 generations of ants. Which is equivalent to something like 400 years in human terms.Now I highly doubt ants (even if they were smart) would be able to perceive that I am the source of the trouble and think "ahh that fricking Jeff again". They would be more like "HOLY FUCK THE WORLD IS EXPLODING AND I DON'T KNOW WHY"
As a more intelligent and relatively omnipotent being, 1 year is a pattern that I can see and consistently perceive. However a period of 6 generations is quite a lot for ants. Just like 400 years is a long time to confirm any pattern.
The unpredictable god
Now, if I go to this particular park, I may also choose to NOT dig up the ant's nest. I may choose to throw a few breadcrumbs (oh, I know, ants. I am a generous god) or choose to destroy in other ways, such as flooding with water. Now the patterns are even more messed up and harder to discern, for my poor, stupid ants.The unoriginal god
ANOTHER FACTOR. I am not the only human to walk in this park. Surely some OTHER bored kid has also played with these ants? Interacted with them in ways that the ants would not understand? Would the ants all assume that it is the same power interacting with them each time? It's not like they would be able to discern between the different humans...The uncaring god
If ants were to set up shrines and shit and worship me, I will never ever find out because I don't care enough. If they started praying... well let's not go into that. As a relative god to the ant colony, I do not care what they do as individuals. If the whole nest swarmed me as I was attacking them, I would get the message. But as I am using a shovel, their perception will be fucked up and they don't even understand that a human is behind the shovel. They will MISS COMPLETELY BECAUSE THEY CANNOT PERCEIVE WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A HUMAN DIGGING UP AN ANT'S NEST.BUT I do respect the power of religion, I am impressed that people have that amount of faith in anything, and would like some of that stuff. However it doesn't appeal to me xP. Oh and I don't like "In God's own time" or "God works in mysterious ways".
Say like you miscarried, or your house got smashed by your tree, or if you're Joseph, your virgin wife is fucking pregnant. (Seriously how come Joseph is so chill. He's just like, yeah she's pregnant. Yeah course she's still a virgin. Duhh.) And you go "WHY GOD WHY". And some smart guy answers "God works in mysterious ways".
WELL next time I break your shit, kill your unborn baby, or screw your previously unscrewed wife, I am not an asshole. And you will not punch me. Because I'm fucking mysterious.
Disclaimer: No ants were harmed in the making of this post.
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